Today, I received a message from my long-time stock analyst friend, whom I supposed died years ago. It turns out, he has been making a fortune with licensed financial advisory in Liechtenstein. He still specializes in highly volatile financial instruments and told me his last merit was a +1492% profit with a bull position in highly leveraged Bitcoin derivatives. Nevertheless, the message was an interesting one which I wish to share:
“THIS DOCUMENT IS STRICTLY PRIVATE, CONFIDENTIAL AND PERSONAL TO ITS RECIPIENTS AND SHOULD NOT BE COPIED, DISTRIBUTED OR REPRODUCED IN WHOLE OR IN PART, NOR PASSED TO ANY THIRD PARTY.
Dear friends in Muesli.vc.
With the yield of the 10y US treasury note fallen below the 2y equivalent; it is time to release our dead cat from its bounce and let the markets burn. The last time this happened in 2007, the dead cat was already on his way off the cliff. My own and the funds of my customers covering over 42 billion in assets, have been placed my very own lightspeed-short warrant, called GigaBear. The warrant consists of a short position on the Nasdaq100, S&P500 and DOW30 indexes with a lever of approximately 250x.
As an apology of our critical system failure back in 2016 causing 1.2b of your assets to be lost in hyperspace, I’m offering you a position on my GigaBear-instrument. As old business partners, our board of directors have opted on charging you only 5% in transaction costs on whatever amount you seek to invest. We can assure, that the instrument is completely liquid and can be sold, traded or transferred 24/7 until it´s expiration date 8.7.2021. We also offer a Stop Loss insurance, if you wish to include it, for +1%point on the transaction cost (See KID in attachment).
Our office is located in Jl. Dahlia IV 292, Kota Gapura, Kotabumi, Kabupaten Lampung Utara, Lampung 34517, Indonesia, in case you want to schedule an appointment.
Yours truly,
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx”
Even though the message is clearly from an “Ugandan Prince”, our board of directors in cooperation with our subsidiary Muesli-Intelligence, sent a wickr message to get a positive confirmation on the identity of the sender and turned out he’s 100% legit long-time stock analyst friend who shot himself in 2016 after his holding company lost his own and his customers' cryptocurrency mysteriously due to a system failure.
What happens, is that in fact our algorithms here in Muesli Venture Capital moved the position of our investment funds to global shorts a while ago. The only problem has been to find a good enough lever for our position, since by the legislation of NY, our fund cannot operate as a bank and thus cannot create its own derivatives (according to our Jewish Auditor). There is a smell of a whole new era of green investments taking place in Muesli Venture Capital.